First blog ever..and so what?

Dear reader and diary,

I have wanted to set up a blog for a long time yet I always wondered: about what? I happen to be in a very weird point in my life where I have lots of spare time, thousands of papers/books to read and analyse, a couple of social ventures that really shake my soul, a lovely, intelligent child that conquers my heart with her voice and a double personality. I am working and generating income yet I shouldn't (as I have a scholarship to study full time), and I am studying when I should really be doing what I do best: transforming lives, on a very small scale, through full time jobs.
I have an endless list of things to do, friends to catch up with, e-mails to write and pounds to shed. But none of those things will happen in the foreseable future.
In a sense this new, full time, fully paid student personality has allowed me to remember what I am made of. Music, tarot, incense, creativity and dreams. In another way the guilt grows exponentially as praises come in and academic milestones are achieved when I know that I have not done anything for anyone.
One year has already passed and I need to start my fieldwork. I thought it would be good to have an electronic record of my adventures in the social enterprise world. Join me ocassionally if you want to know what role social capital plays in fostering innovation within the social economy. I might never find out, but we shall have fun in the way.
This confusion is what I call my very personal hell.
I refuse jobs but I don't want to miss a thing. I work hard to promote social cohesion and live in a mixed tenants building yet I hate my neighbours when they urinate the lift. I am a very unstable, happily married woman and mother that sometimes cries like a girl. I am very young yet I worry about my emerging lines. I try to be green but I clean my bath with Domestos. I miss my city, which is surrounded by 7 rivers and I want to change my country but I might never go back. I have a very insane passion for plans, and for knowing what will happen in the foreseable future, yet I am engaged in a never ending PhD. I think I am fragile but I am getting used to hit the walls of my unfulfilled resolutions. Through the darkest moments, I have always been strong. I shall keep looking for those opportunities to grow and to embed solidarity, to teach.
'Perhaps the mission of those who love humankind is to make people laugh at the truth, to make truth laugh, because the only truth lies in learning to free ourselves from insane passion for truth'
Welcome to Maria's hell.